carsonmccullersballadofsadcafe

美國南方的小說,自福克納(William Faulkner)以來,一直充斥著畸零人的孤寂感。”Novel of grotesque” 自成一種文類,不下於希臘的古典悲劇,讀完後令人不勝唏噓,悲憫(pity)及畏懼(fear)之情油然生起。悲憫的是主角性格上的乖戾偏執,是因成長環境所造成,非自己能作主。畏懼的是人的力量如此渺小,在大環境的箝制下,無可脫逃。20、30年代美國南方的保守社會,禁錮了無數孤獨疏離的人。Carson McCullers所寫的短篇小說,The Ballad of the Sad Café,(1975年中文版譯成小酒館的悲歌)探討的主題是畸零人的愛,這樣的愛如此蒼涼,深夜展讀,痛徹心扉。沒有經歷失去摯愛之人,無法體會故事主角Miss Amelia的孤寂。以下列舉小說中之經典句,以闡釋作者對愛/被愛,及生命的看法:

Lover’s solitary feeling

Love is a joint experience between two persons---but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved. There are the lover and beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So, there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world---a world intense and strange, complete in himself. Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring--- this lover can be man, woman, child, or indeed any human creature on this earth.

愛人者與被愛者的關係永遠無法對等;兩者的角色關係一主動一被動。愛人者內心早已積蓄著澎湃的愛; 被愛者的角色,只是啟動他的情感樞紐而已。而如此深刻濃烈的愛,注定是寂寞的,是一種只能埋在內心世界,極隱密又痛苦的情懷。

Beloved as a stimulus

The beloved can also be of any description. The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. A man may be a doddering great grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets . . . . The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else---but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant and beautiful as poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.

什麼人會被愛,沒有任何道理可言。怪異的人可能是那啟動愛的樞紐的人。愛人者何嘗不知,他所愛的人有著墮落的靈魂,亦或平庸乏味。但這毫不影響他的愛。他的愛是否有價值,由愛人者決定,非旁人可理解。

Cheapness of life

Life can become one long dim scramble just to get the things needed to keep alive. And the confusing part is this: all useful things have a price, and are bought only with money, as that is the way the world is run . . . . But no value has been put on human life; it is given to us free and taken without being paid for. What is it worth? If you look around, at times the value may seem to be little or nothing at all. Often after you have sweated and tried and things are not better for you, there comes a feeling deep down in the soul that you are not worth much.

為了生存,生命成了一段幽暗漫長的奮鬥歷程。幾乎所有有用的東西都有個價錢,但唯獨生命本身卻沒個定價。它就這麼免費奉送到我們手上,任我們使用不須付費。在所有徒勞無功的掙扎後,我們會驀然發覺,我們的生命真的很廉價!

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