Holly's Secret Garden

前言

我們習慣分享彼此不幸的遭遇，以為把它說出來，心裏會好過些，至少從別人那裡，得到些許的鼓勵或安慰，或者聽到別人也有類似遭遇，自己的苦就不顯得特別。這篇散文告訴我們，不能用訴苦的方式處理苦難，緘默堅忍以對才是良策。

In this short essay, British novelist and journalist Mark Rutherford (the pen name of William Hale White) encourages us to deal with our misfortunes by practicing "the art of self-suppression."

I. 找人談心事前要先釐清自己的思緒，以免講出來的話，不是事先審慎構思好的產物，而是塑造思想的源頭。

We may talk about our troubles to those persons who can give us direct help, but even in this case we ought as much as possible to come to a provisional conclusion before consultation; to be perfectly clear to ourselves within our own limits. Some people have a foolish trick of applying for aid before they have done anything whatever to aid themselves, and in fact try to talk themselves into perspicuity. The only way in which they can think is by talking, and their speech consequently is not the expression of opinion already and carefully formed, but the manufacture of it.

II. 找同病相憐的人訴苦可以讓彼此得到很大的慰藉，因為見到同是天涯淪落之人還好端端活著。本以為自己才有的天大災難，一旦發現別人也有，對它們的恐懼就會消失。

We may also tell our troubles to those who are suffering if we can lessen their own. It may be a very great relief to them to know that others have passed through trials equal to theirs and have survived. There are obscure, nervous diseases, hypochondriac fancies, almost uncontrollable impulses, which terrify by their apparent singularity. If we could believe that they are common, the worst of the fear would vanish.

III. 為了自己好，不要過度談論傷心事。語言的表達帶著渲染性，悲苦化為文字會被擴大，低調克制的態度才能減輕它的強度。忽略它，不把它當一回事，反而是我們的解救之道。

But, as a rule, we should be very careful for our own sake not to speak much about what distresses us. Expression is apt to carry with it exaggeration, and this exaggerated form becomes henceforth that under which we represent our miseries to ourselves, so that they are thereby increased. By reserve, on the other hand, they are diminished, for we attach less importance to that which it was not worth while to mention. Secrecy, in fact, may be our salvation.

IV. 別人眼中的我們是健康或生病攸關重大。不用醫生的保證，只要賦予自我懷疑的人一項艱辛的任務，就會讓他更強健。

It is injurious to be always treated as if something were the matter with us. It is health-giving to be dealt with as if we were healthy, and the man who imagines his wits are failing becomes stronger and sounder by being entrusted with a difficult problem than by all the assurances of a doctor.

V. 真正的友誼經不起再三的博取同情。如果我們病了，談點最近的新發現或新思想，能和外面世界接軌的新鮮事，甚麼都好，就是別老在生病這事打轉。老說自己的病，別人會不敢碰其他不相干的話題。以自我為中心的病人總惹人嫌，儘管別人在心裏嘀咕不敢說出來。天知道這樣的病人撒手人寰對別人是莫大的解脫。要避免這種狀況，最好克制自己，閉緊嘴巴，不要自傷自憐。以堅忍的態度面對憂苦者，才能換來別人持久的相伴。

They are poor creatures who are always craving for pity. If we are sick, let us prefer conversation upon any subject rather than upon ourselves. Let it turn on matters that lie outside the dark chamber, upon the last new discovery, or the last new idea. So shall we seem still to be linked to the living world. By perpetually asking for sympathy an end is put to real friendship. The friend is afraid to intrude anything which has no direct reference to the patient's condition lest it should be thought irrelevant. No love even can long endure without complaint, silent it may be, against an invalid who is entirely self-centred; and what an agony it is to know that we are tended simply as a duty by those who are nearest to us, and that they will really be relieved when we have departed!

From this torture we may be saved if we early apprentice ourselves to the art of self-suppression and sternly apply the gag to eloquence upon our own woes. Nobody who really cares for us will mind waiting on us even to the long-delayed last hour if we endure in fortitude.

VI.用理智面對苦難是最好的方式。我們真正怕的是對事情的不確定感。理智的問自己，到底在擔心什麼，最壞的情況是什麼。充分了解狀況後，就能降伏無名的恐懼。恐懼總是先於事件本身而來，因為恐懼，所以衍生負面想法，將恐懼合理化，接著使我們做出不理性的行為。其實所有的災難，只要用理性去分析理解，就不會再困擾我們。

There is no harm in confronting our disorders or misfortunes. On the contrary, the attempt is wholesome. Much of what we dread is really due to indistinctness of outline. If we have the courage to say to ourselves, What isthis thing, then? let the worst come to the worst, and what then? we shall frequently find that after all it is not so terrible. What we have to do is to subdue tremulous, nervous, insane fright. Fright is often prior to an object; that is to say, the fright comes first and something is invented or discovered to account for it. There are certain states of body and mind which are productive of objectless fright, and the most ridiculous thing in the world is able to provoke it to activity. It is perhaps not too much to say that any calamity the moment it is apprehended by the reason alone loses nearly all its power to disturb and unfix us. The conclusions which are so alarming are not those of the reason, but, to use Spinoza's words, of the "affects."

結語:

對訴苦這種通病，作者先說明人為什麼喜歡訴苦，原因有二，為博得憐憫及減輕痛苦，因別人也經歷過這種痛苦。接著說明為什麼不能訴苦，因為語言會渲染擴大痛苦的感受，本來一分苦受，經再三宣揚就變三分。再者，友誼因訴苦而瓦解，再好的朋友也無法忍受長期聆聽訴苦而不感到厭煩。訴苦者把自己變為弱者角色，別人也會以弱者眼光看待，長久下來，能力無從發揮；反之，如果讓自己強悍起來，別人視你為強者，交付于你重任，你自然因此成長茁壯。如果不能用訴苦的方式對待苦難，那該怎麼辦呢?本文最後一段提供了解答:用理智去思考，不要用嘴巴去訴說。觀察內心的煩惱是什麼，為什麼會有此煩惱，覺察了心的真實相貌後，才能破除恐懼，進而減輕煩惱。

苦難人皆有之。說給別人聽，博取同情的理解，不如靠自己理性的面對。如心經云: 「心無罣礙，無罣礙故，無有恐怖，遠離顛倒夢想。」所有的恐懼來自內心的執著罣礙，想清楚自己到底在執著什麼，放不下的是什麼，而後去除這種罣礙，才是離苦得樂的方法。